Since I have been home from my five amazing days at the Writers Colony at Dairy Hollow, I have barely had time to sit down at my desk to anything at all, let alone work on my fiction. I didn’t even crack open my “daily notebook” to write anything until just last week. And even then, it was only a list of essay ideas, not an actual essay.
It’s curious. I was so fired up to WRITE ALL THE WORDS, then I came home and let every. other. thing. command my attention.
It’s true – it was a crazy few weeks. End of school stuff, house stuff, kid stuff, time out of town… but I think there was also a strange undercurrent of just not knowing how to get started now that I was away from the cloistered environment that is a writers’ retreat. I had to get up at a certain time, and people wanted me to make them meals, and there were clothes to wash and the dog wanted out, and I couldn’t forget to pick up the boy from school…
The stuff of life gets in the way. It beats our creative selves down, and for many of us, it’s impossible to see our way free of the burdens of living to find time and energy to feed our souls. For many years, I could only sneak in a little creative time here or there. I wrote a poem on the porch as the kids played, perhaps. I sent handmade Christmas cards to family and friends. I sewed a doll for a child. But those things – during the crush of mothering in my 30s – were scattershot attempts to keep the flame burning.
Now, with only one child left at home and no full-time job to pull me away, what is my excuse for not getting up and filling my notebooks? Maybe there is no excuse. Or maybe the answer is “everything”. Because when we are unsure or unsettled in our focus and vision, “everything” will plop itself down right on our laps and take over. It’s up to us to push it aside and stay the course.
Today, I applied for a fellowship at Dairy Hollow. I applied last year and didn’t get it – but I also turned in a terrible application last year. Hopefully they will notice some improvement in the application at the very least, even if I am not the awardee again. I feel better about it, and that’s a good thing.
As I pieced together the parts of my novel-in-progress that I worked on there in April to send as my writing sample, I sensed a renewed urgency to make more words. The story is there, and there is more to it, and I need to get it out of me and onto the page. There is hope! My husband restated his commitment to help me write more this year as well, which definitely demolishes one hurdle that many writers have – lack of support. And the Boychild has recently learned to make macaroni and cheese; I can get to work knowing that he won’t starve to death.
You can read about my first writers colony visit here, here and here.
