A few years ago, a friend of mine was having a difficult time. Challenges in her marriage, being a mom to three busy kids, and holding down a full-time, emotionally-taxing and detail-driven job were all starting to create cracks in the foundation of her mental balance.
You may be thinking, “And…? I deal with that kind of crap and more every single day.”
It’s true, for many of us those things are just normal, everyday life. We deal the best we can, have a glass of wine with dinner, work in a morning of yoga once a week, and make the best of it until something gives and we can breathe a little easier. But for people who have a tendency toward depression or a diagnosed mental illness like my friend, that kind of combination can knock us off our feet pretty quickly. And if we, as their friends and family, aren’t able or willing to recognize the signs of distress, there can be dire consequences.
Fortunately, my friend knew she was headed down a slippery slope. She worked in a medical field, and knew her prescriptions were not managing her depression well. Unfortunately, her doctor and his staff didn’t seem concerned about her repeated phone calls for help. This is not uncommon, and is, in my opinion, one of the main reasons we need to be aware of the signs of depression, and how to help a friend in crisis. Even if someone with depression has been diagnosed, that doesn’t mean they are being treated adequately.
The social stigma attached to mental illness is still alive and well in the United States. While it may be true that women are no longer being shipped off to sanitariums by families who can’t handle their “hysteria”, those women (and men) are still too often dismissed by their families and friends as just being “too emotional” or “over dramatic”.
Depression is seen by many uninformed individuals as an illness that is all in the mind and that can be controlled by just changing one’s thoughts. “What do they have to be sad about??” These same people may also believe that people who attempt suicide (especially teens) are just “trying to get attention”. This attitude is killing approximately 117 people every day in the United States. For every one of those who are successful, 25 more people are attempting it.
The idea that people who attempt suicide are just looking for attention is killing 117 people every day in this country.
For someone on the brink of causing harm to themselves or others, the continued stigma can cause them to keep their delicate emotional state hidden. As friends, we have to be willing to broach the subject of depression with empathy and compassion, and let the people we love know that we want to help – and then be ready to do what needs to be done to provide the support they need.
My friend asked me to accompany her to a support group for people living with depression one Thursday evening after work. During that meeting, she finally let go of the last thread of control she was holding onto and confessed to the attendees that she wasn’t sure she would make it home that night if she were allowed to drive herself. I drove her to a hospital, and she spent the next several weeks getting better.
Was it messy? Yep. Was it comfortable? Nope. Was it NECESSARY? Absolutely.
Symptoms of depression include:
- Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood.
- Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism.
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness.
- Feelings of irritability or restlessness.
- Loss of interest in hobbies and activities.
- Loss of energy.
- Problems concentrating, recalling details, and making decisions.
- Difficulty falling asleep or sleeping too much.
- Overeating or loss of appetite.
- Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts.
- Aches or pains that do not get better with treatment.
All of us know someone dealing with tough situations in their lives. Get informed, and don’t be hesitant to start the discussion with a friend or loved one… believe me, you’d rather be relieved to hear they are okay than sorry you didn’t ask.
