I just turned 50, so I feel like I’m entitled to start wearing my “I’m older, and I have better insurance.” hat (thanks Kathy Bates!) so I can dole out the wisdom that comes with age. Or, just pretend my opinions can double as wisdom. We’ll see if this is all I got, or if it becomes a regular thing. Today’s topic is “momguilt”.

So, younger moms, many of you are thinking “I can’t run off for a girls’ weekend! What if (fill in the blank) happens while I’m gone!?” You fill in the blank with everything from fears of a dreaded plague descending on your house, to the partner left at home not knowing what to make for dinner/do laundry/bandage a wound/read at bedtime, to the basic (and usually last resort) whimper about being missed. *snif*

Snap out of it, moms! Here are my answers to all of these questions. My guess is they are not going to surprise you, but I’m sharing anyway since some of you aren’t capable of saying them to yourselves. You’re welcome.

What if someone gets sick?

Yep, sickness could happen. Is there cough medicine and junior-strength pain reliever in the cabinet? What about a giant bowl in the kitchen for the puke-plague? Does the partner back at home know your phone number, and that of your family physician? If you answered yes to all of these questions, I’m not sure what you’re worried about.

Here’s the thing, mommy – your partner is your partner for a reason. They agreed to do the “in sickness and in health” thing (or whatever your new-agey vows may have said that corresponds). He* loves you. He loves your kids. He’s a grown up. If you question either his love or his maturity, momguilt is not your problem, your relationship is.

But potential need for marital counseling aside, the kids will be FINE. In fact, it’s super healthy for them to get to know how daddy does things, and for daddy to figure things out on his own as well. Trust me on this one.

What if there’s no food in the entire house?

See how silly that sounds when you read it aloud? Aren’t you an exemplary mother? Don’t you make sure that there is plenty of food in the fridge and pantry? If nothing else, there’s probably at least some peanut butter and string cheese, right?? If you’re like me, you buy a ton of stuff in preparation for being gone that is easy to cook, appeals to your family’s juvenile sense of taste, and can be eaten easily out of a bowl or even the container with a spoon if it comes to that.

Also, if you’re like me, you’ll get home from your weekend and find that your family ignored everything you bought. That means two things: 1) you have a lot of pizza rolls on your hands; and 2) your husband knows where the grocery store is! Or, at the very least, he can correctly operate a phone and/or drive-thru window. See? Nothing to worry about.

p.s. So what if they don’t eat healthy for a few days. How many Pop-tarts did you eat for breakfast as a kid? Can you still hold down a job and keep your fingernails clean? They’ll be fine.

What if he doesn’t know what their favorite book/movie/ice cream is?

How did you learn these things? Did you read their minds, or did they tell you? Maybe he is smart enough to learn what he needs to learn the same way you did? For heaven’s sake, he should know which bedtime story is your children’s favorite! He is their daddy – you should give him that kind of information! Stop being so selfish, go on vacation already.

Along these lines, he’ll also learn how to wash clothes, run the dishwasher, and clean up dog poop. He may not do it like you would do it, but that’s not the point. The point is, he is willing to do it (or at least capable, if not willing), and you need to stop Doing All The Things. You need a break. Which leads me to the last, lame, excuse…

What if they miss me?

What if they don’t?

Aha!!! That’s the thing, isn’t it? You do so much for them; you feed them, bathe them, read to them, clothe them, play with them, drive them, nurse them, instruct them, listen to them… what if you go away for a few days (or even hours – who are we kidding?) and come home to find out they got along just fine. No one cut their siblings hair with your sewing scissors, the cats are all still alive, the washing machine is still working and the kitchen is no more messy than when you left.

Maybe the truth is that you’re terrified they won’t actually need you as much as you need them. Guess what – that is possible. That’s why we have partners. That’s what makes single-parenting so damn hard (well – one of many things…). If you are in a relationship, you have someone to help you so that you can make sure you take care of yourself as well.

Of course your family will miss you. Daddy might be able to do laundry, but he probably can’t make a ponytail or dance to Taylor Swift videos like you do. He might be able to turn on the oven, but his scrambled eggs are weird. THEY WILL MISS YOU. But – and this is the important part – they want you, mommy, to be the best mommy you can be. I’ll even go so far as to say they deserve you at your best. The best mommy is the one who shows her kids the whole wide world with a genuine smile on her face.

Take care of yourself – and be the best mommy you can be – by being the best PERSON you can be.

*I say “he” only because it’s easy to stick with one singular pronoun while writing. I love and embrace whatever kind of family you live in. XOXO