Dear Ignorant Father:

I realize that we all have different life experiences, and that when you are raised in a particular way, there are some things that you are simply ignorant to, until someone corrects you and lets you know that your world-view is part of the problem. Given the conversation I overheard you having this morning across the mostly-empty coffee shop, I know that this has been the case for you. I hope you don’t mind me pointing out a couple of errors in your statements concerning the young man you were discussing.

1. Please understand that the young man in question – I believe you said he is your son – did not leave home and “get caught up in the wrong crowd”, as you proposed. He left home and joined them because of who he is – he is not who he is because he joined them.

2. Regardless of what you may believe, coming out as gay, transgendered, or any other label in the LGBTQ community is still one of the most dangerous things a young person can do. It is not a label individuals wear lightly. Your son left your home to find a place he felt accepted and understood. That “crowd” may have saved his life. Aside from higher suicide rates, the violence directed at anyone who identifies as LGBTQ is a very real threat in the vast majority of communities – even so-called “tolerant” ones.

3. You mentioned that he is asking to be addressed by a different name, and is wearing women’s clothes at times. I am not sure if you meant he was dressing in drag or is transitioning into a female. You may not know the difference – so I encourage you to find out more about this distinction.

4. Your son has not been influenced to follow some kind of social trend by the people he is spending time with. He has simply declared himself as he was created. The people he is with understand that, and accept him without condition, as his parents should also do. Try as you might, you cannot legitimately claim that he “became” gay or transgender after he left your home – he was raised in your home, and is also LGBTQ.

Finally, I hope that you will be able to come to terms with the life your son is living, and allow him to live it without judgement and dismissive statements about his “bad choices” and “wrong crowd”. I never heard you say that you were not in contact with him, or that you have turned away from him… I hope you haven’t.

But given the words I did hear, it’s clear you believe that the life your son is living is a temporary fad or some kind of youthful rebellion and you are not willing to accept that it is going to be permanent. Please, please, please educate yourself on issues affecting LGBTQ individuals. The Bible is not the only source of information on the subject (in fact, it’s extremely limited) – and ignorance is never truly bliss.

Laurie