When my mother died five years ago, my family knew it was coming. I’m not sure that knowing it was coming helped my siblings nor I deal with the loss any more effectively. In fact, I believe it just prolonged the grieving process. For me, at least, the grieving began as soon as I hung up the phone after hearing from my sister that mom had a mass in her brain. It continued through the following eleven months until she died, and I doubt it will ever end completely.
This week, people in my home state of Arkansas and across the south are dealing with sudden loss. Although they may have heard the storm warnings and taken shelter, they did not have weeks and months to prepare for the loss they experienced when tornadoes hit their towns. Loss of loved-ones, loss of homes and property, loss of faith, loss of security… the storms that swept through the region over the last few days stole those things from them in just a few minutes. I am awestruck by the thought that the same kind of loss could happen to me and my family at any moment – and wonder how I would handle it if it were to happen to us.
When my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer, she refused to believe she would be be a statistic, and chose to remain positive. She wouldn’t read materials or websites that described the details of her diagnosis and was certain that her recovery would be remarkable and long-lasting. Like my mother, I believe that a positive outlook on my circumstances can have an equally positive effect on my life. I believe in making lemonade, seeing silver linings, looking on the bright side, closed doors and opened windows, and finding opportunity in failure. I believe all those things, and yet, the grief I continue to experience and the losses that I have heard about this week tend to make me check myself.
Positivity does not keep a tornado from destroying one’s house or taking people away from us who we would prefer could stick around a while longer. But, choosing to remain positive can help me turn critical eye on my own life. Loss, whether expected or sudden, can shine a light on lessons to be learned, and over the last few days I have been reminded to pay attention.
Life is so, so very fragile and temporary. There are only so many days, months and years that we are here on the Earth to do those things that we are destined to do. Dreams must be pursued, arms must be outstretched to those around us who need our help, and tolerance and opportunities to discuss cooperation must be extended to those who do not agree with us. It is simply a waste of time and energy to do anything else. It is a waste of my life to believe any differently.
In times like this I am reminded to say the words that matter – those that build up and encourage the people around me – and to swallow those that do not. I am reminded that second chances and unconditional love are vital needs that every human deserves to receive. I am reminded that we are far more similar that we are different. I strive to make today, and every day, a day that I wouldn’t mind being remembered for.
