The other day my son asked what I want to be when I grow up. He then clarified that he did, in fact, know that I am already grown up. I assume that means that it looks like I am on the outside, but I have to wonder if he is tapped into the fact that mommy really doesn’t feel like she’s achieved any particular goal that she set for herself. Oh, wait… mommy has never really gone to the trouble of setting any goals for herself.

Hrmmm…

So what DO I want to be when I grow up?

When I attended the Pre-K graduation ceremony last year and watched my son shyly state that he wants to be a Monster Truck Driver, I thought – as many other parents did that day – (especially the one whose son said he wants to be a fish) “Awww, that’s so cute!” And then I thought “I wonder what he’ll really be someday?”

But perhaps I shouldn’t dismiss the dreams of a six-year-old so easily. My mother didn’t dismiss our dreams when we were kids. Mom didn’t doubt my ability in anything I was interested in. She encouraged me to move to New York to pursue my dream of the stage when I was performing in little theater productions in Dallas. She encouraged me to be a designer when I was creating my own holiday cards. She kept everything I ever wrote and told me I should take my humor on the road as a comic. She encouraged me to start a business called Junque Rethunque when I was picking junk up off the curb and talking about redesigning and repurposing.

So why am I still wondering what I am going to be when I grow up?? I think it has something to do with the number of dreams I’m trying to sort out. It’s hard to narrow down the things I want to spend my time on. What ends up happening is that I never move forward very much in any one direction. I collect notes in journals but don’t start writing any stories, I  buy the supplies to create  greeting cards but they sit in a cabinet unused, I fill my garage with “projects”,  and auditions come and go…

So, I am going to have to make some choices. Maybe I’ll get to keep a couple of dreams… maybe some dreams can become to occasional hobbies. But I seriously have to focus so that I can start making some headway and stop feeling so ineffective. So un-grownup.

I’m pretty sure the world doesn’t need another actor, so I’ll just toss that one out right off the top. I can look back fondly on my days on the stage and be okay with that. I am more and more drawn to design and creating, and I still feel compelled to write. So I am going to focus on two main goals: First, building Junque Rethunque into a viable business that I can eventually take from a flea market booth to a brick & mortar shop featuring vintage finds, repurposed “junque”, and local art and crafts. I wouldn’t mind if that went on to blossom into a part-time interior design business either… Second, I’m going to carve out time to write. Write my blogs, write short stories and essays, and perhaps write articles and guest blogs that involve the design and vintage interests I have.

So, for the record… When I grow up I want to be a shop owner and writer. What a relief that I have an answer for my son next time he delves into the depths of my unfocused soul.