For years I felt like I made choices only after options 1-4 had become un-tenable and there was only number 5 left. Easy peasy. I then decided that it was my intuition that was leading me to let those first four go by because I knew the right choice was going to be available in the end.

Right now I’m faced with some choices that are probably the toughest I’ve ever had to deal with.

My mother is dealing with a brain tumor that has reasserted itself and caused more loss of ability for her. At the same time, my employer, a non-profit organization, is merging with another organization, and my job is not solidly located on the organizational chart yet. It may not ever make it, but I won’t know that until later this month.

Mom is not able to pay for the 24-hour care she needs, and one possible solution is for me to quit working and care for her myself. This would be difficult financially, but not impossible. It would be stressful on my family, as she would have to move in with us. Again, difficult, but not impossible. It would seem like the perfect solution if my job were to fall through… but:

To cover my bases in the event that I’m handed a severance package in August, I applied for a position with another local non-profit, and have a phone interview scheduled for tomorrow. They are probably eager to get someone hired, but I’m not sure I can make a commitment immediately. I do want to find out what’s going to happen on the current org chart first… and need to know if I’m going to have to step in with mom as well.

To make matters worse, two jobs I would LOVE to apply for just got posted at other places today, and the same challenges apply… should I put in a resume for those positions knowing I might be needed with mom? Or should I let them go and wait to see what my current job does, and then decide once that’s set?

My intuition says I need to let them go, but they would be great steps in my career – one in the field of fundraising, and the other in PR and communications. Of course it’s possible that those kinds of things will come along another time, but it’s just so frustrating that they are available NOW when I don’t know if I can realistically be available for them.

It’s times like these when I wish I were 7 years old and someone else made decisions for me.